Therapist on the whole help people expand their capacity to have feelings. We bear and traverse grief. We contain and enjoy excitement. We hold and learn from sadness, or longing. We contain and console fear. Therapy does not help you to avoid emotion, nor does it magically evacuate tough feelings, but rather helps you to grow into a mature adult who can bear a full range of human emotion. When we bear emotions, they do dissipate, and we also learn to regulate them and/or chose healthy actions that naturally alter what we are feeling. This capacity leads to a depth of life satisfaction, a wealth of empathy and relational capacity, and resilience through life’s ups and downs. I cannot speak enough for the usefulness of a full emotional capacity.
Shame, however, is not an affect that we should learn to bear. Shame is a toxic state of mind that inhibits almost all real emotional growth, presence of mind, and relational capacity. I think of shame like a cancer. If grief and...
The language of Attachment Theory has become somewhat common parlance in today's mainstream world. You have likely heard of "attachment styles" and have some idea of how your early bonds shape your style of attaching and bonding in early life.
Attachment Theory began with a British scientist named John Bowly in the 1960's, who noticed that humans behave in a manner driven by a biological need to bond with their caregivers. This was a revolutionary notion at the time and caused him to be ostracized by the field of psychoanalysis, which at the time was governed by the notion that humans were motivated by internal fantasies, needs and desires. What is so exciting today is that this one-time dichotomy is now understood as a unified whole.
Object Relations is the fancy medical terminology which describes how our interpersonal relationships become encoded in our internal world, which is why our early relationships have such an enormously influential role shaping our identity, beliefs,...
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