Should I Stay or Should I Go? Anxiety in Relationships

Uncategorized Sep 26, 2018

Most people with anxiety are keenly aware that certain relationships can either reduce or drastically increase anxiety, but do you know why? Most people react from their gut, either withdrawing or frantically seeking a relationship; both often spiral into dysfunctional patterns. With some discernment, you can learn to use anxiety as a diagnostic clue to help you navigate relationships, increase healthy connections, and leave dysfunctional ones.

 

If you have not heard of Attachment Theory, it is the scientific map of how we bond with others to increase our chances of survival!  As mammals, we quite literally depend on emotional bonds with others to survive. Scientific studies have continued to underscore that the warmth and quality of our connections is the number one factor predictive of our life quality, longevity, and is even a huge factor in financial stability.

 

The one principle you need to understand first is that our need for closeness in relationship is...

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What is Depth Therapy

Uncategorized May 14, 2018

Welcome to Depth Therapy, the place to Re-Wire Your Relationships for success. When we get to the heart of your heart with the penetrating understanding of Depth Therapy, you will transform your history into a depth of understanding and skill that empowers you to create the relational life you need. 

Do you know what is Depth Therapy, and how can it serve you? Depth Therapy is the research-based knowledge necessary to succeed in relationships. Depth therapy is a term to describe therapy based on the notion that our minds are made up largely of unconscious and subconscious parts.  If your mind is like a triangle, scientists estimate that the conscious part takes up a tiny portion of about 5-7% at the top of the triangle!  This is why many intelligent, educated thoughtful people get stuck making changes in their lives. There are many, many challenges we’ve all worked through on our own, without the help of a therapist or psychologist. When people come to me, it is...

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Shame: The Ultimate Toxin

Uncategorized May 08, 2018

Therapist on the whole help people expand their capacity to have feelings. We bear and traverse grief. We contain and enjoy excitement. We hold and learn from sadness, or longing. We contain and console fear. Therapy does not help you to avoid emotion, nor does it magically evacuate tough feelings, but rather helps you to grow into a mature adult who can bear a full range of human emotion. When we bear emotions, they do dissipate, and we also learn to regulate them and/or chose healthy actions that naturally alter what we are feeling. This capacity leads to a depth of life satisfaction, a wealth of empathy and relational capacity, and resilience through life’s ups and downs. I cannot speak enough for the usefulness of a full emotional capacity.

Shame, however, is not an affect that we should learn to bear. Shame is a toxic state of mind that inhibits almost all real emotional growth, presence of mind, and relational capacity. I think of shame like a cancer. If grief and...

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What is Depth Therapy?: How Cognitive Neuroscience and Attachment Theory Teach Therapy

Uncategorized May 07, 2018

The language of Attachment Theory has become somewhat common parlance in today's mainstream world. You have likely heard of "attachment styles" and have some idea of how your early bonds shape your style of attaching and bonding in early life.

Attachment Theory began with a British scientist named John Bowly in the 1960's, who noticed that humans behave in a manner driven by a biological need to bond with their caregivers. This was a revolutionary notion at the time and caused him to be ostracized by the field of psychoanalysis, which at the time was governed by the notion that humans were motivated by internal fantasies, needs and desires. What is so exciting today is that this one-time dichotomy is now understood as a unified whole.

Object Relations is the fancy medical terminology which describes how our interpersonal relationships become encoded in our internal world, which is why our early relationships have such an enormously influential role shaping our identity, beliefs,...

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