Attachment Theory is the scientific map of how we bond with others to increase our chances of survival! As mammals, we quite literally depend on emotional bonds with others to survive. Scientific studies have continued to underscore that the warmth and quality of our connections is the number one factor predictive of quality of life, longevity, and is even a huge factor in financial stability.
Scientists divide the styles that people adopt to bond into roughly 4 categories. About 50% of the population had a development such that they bond in a “secure style.” The other 50% of the population develop attachment styles such as avoidant, anxious or disorganized.
An anxious attachment style describes a person who finds it very difficult to rest in feelings of safety and security. Wondering if this is you?
The essential reasons to love yourself might include: a. It feels good and b. You’ll be the kind of person you’d want to be with (which means you’ll attract the kind of person you want to be with!).
The reasons for this may not seem obvious. This is because the definition of self love is a little more nuanced than you might think. Self love is not the same as self esteem or feeling proud of your accomplishments. Self love also does not end at self care practices like good hygiene, good boundaries, stress management and exercise.
As my wise 5-year old told me, “you don’t pick your feelings, but you pick your actions” (straight from the mouth of Spidey).
It’s true, we don’t pick our feelings. So it always surprises me when people express feelings of shame, blame...
The short answer: NO.
More specifically, your capacity to love another is directly proportional to your capacity to love yourself.
If you don't love yourself, you can certainly idealize someone, long for someone, or even seduce someone, but this is not the same as actually loving someone else.
But, can you actually define self-love?
Would you like to know what self-love is, why it determines your capacity to love another, and more importantly, how you can use this knowledge to increase your self-love and your capacity for fantastic, loving relationships?
You likely thought narcissistic behaviors were proportional to self confidence, that’s actually not the case.
Let’s start with an understanding of the term “narcissism.” This term is commonly misunderstood with most people thinking of Narcissistic Personality disorder....
When I talk to my patients about self-care they often go to ideas of spa days and bubble baths. Sure, those things can be a form of self-care, however the self-care I find transformative centers around the practice of self-compassion. Now, if your next thought is associations of pity, letting yourself off the hook, anything goes, you are "Way Off Base!"....
Who wouldn’t love to know what to do with all of that interest and excitement about your future relationship before you have found the one?! Take that energy and intention and put it into understanding the basics of healthy relationships and your dating life will become more satisfying as you feel empowered and educated about the task you are undertaking....
Welcome to Depth Therapy, the place to Re-Wire Your Relationships for success. When we get to the heart of your heart with the penetrating understanding of Depth Therapy, you will transform your history into a depth of understanding and skill that empowers you to create the relational life you need.
Do you know what is Depth Therapy, and how can it serve you? Depth Therapy is the research-based knowledge necessary to succeed in relationships. Depth therapy is a term to describe therapy based on the notion that our minds are made up largely of unconscious and subconscious parts. If your mind is like a triangle, scientists estimate that the conscious part takes up a tiny portion of about 5-7% at the top of the triangle! This is why many intelligent, educated thoughtful people get stuck making changes in their lives. There are many, many challenges we’ve all worked through on our own, without the help of a therapist or psychologist. When people come to me, it is...
Welcome to Relationships RE-Wired